Now You Know

No, by the grace of God, you will NOT plead ignorance. You will NOT testify that you never knew any better because no one ever taught you anything better. You will not plead that you were never told.

Thursday, December 02, 2004

Her Parents' Hard Earned Dollars Down the Drain

Update: The Bard wrote, "The quality of mercy is not strained." Everyone should be so greatly blessed as to have the one they have wronged intercede on their behalf. Let us hope the fe-malefactor has learned a lesson and is also appropriately grateful to the one whom she attacked.

Jeff Goldstein of Protein Wisdom received a heartwarming missive just in time for the holidays. The author of this epistolary epitome of "Peace on earth, good will toward men" is a student at Northwestern University. She doesn't provide us with much more information than that. Oh, except for 2 e-mail addresses:

[E-mail addresses removed. "Melissa" may thank someone who has far more intelligence, talent, forgiveness and class than her for having obtained from me this favor for her. ed.]

Thanks to her season's greetings to Jeff, we also learn that she is in a "campaign coverage" class at Northwestern and doing a paper on Jon Stewart.

Won't you drop Melissa some return holiday cheer? [Don't bother. She already received a Christmas gift from me due to the eloquence of her intercessor. ed.]

Also, if anyone recognizes her from the information provided, won't you please be charitable enough to inform her parents about the results of all the tuition dollars they have been spending? Don't you think they deserve to know the bang they're getting for their buck?

If by chance, however, they happen to already be aware of what they are getting in return for their capital investment, it just goes to show that there is indeed truth to be found in the old saw "A fool and his money are soon parted." Or perhaps more appropriately, there should be a new adage -- "A fool and her parents' money are soon parted."

Campaign coverage class? Bah! Paper on Jon Stewart for a university course?!? Humbug! That is the kind of college course one takes or "research" that one conducts if one's life ambition is to be a Walmart greeter. A surly one, it's true, but a Walmart greeter nonetheless.

You've been told and NOW YOU KNOW.