A Michael Schiavo Fan Writes: "Help me meet the man of my dreams!"

A reader signing itself "Ralph Nelson" of the group "Fruits for Murdering More Women, Children and the Disabled" and using the e-mail address of wwralpher@hotmail.com writes to say:

"Oooo, you big brutesth! Thtop picking on my thweetcheekth, Michael Thschiavo! Thshame on you! He'th my lovey-dovey lambykinth and you're all juthst being beathstly!

P.Eth. Doeths anyone know how I can win my piethce of Michael Thschiavo meat? Thsend me your ideasth!"

Well, what do you say folks? Help the poor whatever it is out and send him your ideas about how his group can murder more women, children and the disabled and how he can win Michael Schiavo's everlasting love.

(I don't have the heart to tell the poor little tinkerbell that Schiavo is purportedly straight and is already spoken for by live-in adultress Jodi Centonze and two bastard children.)

Be sure to write Ralph and let him know whatever wonderful thoughts you have for him. (Personally, I always thought "Ralph" was the English word for regurgitating the contents of one's stomach. You know, such as, "That was so gross I think I'm gonna ralph!")

Thanks!

You've been told and NOW YOU KNOW.